First of all...thanks to everyone that has asked about Dad! Thanks for reaching out to me in every way, I have read and reread all of your messages. You all are so encouraging to me and so supportive.
We've had so many appointments lately for various reasons, but the one we had this past Monday was huge. It was stressful, we did not receive a diagnosis or any answers regarding Dad's issues, and ultimately I came home and just fell apart. We still have more appointments, more waiting. This may end up being a long road but my sisters and I are committed and in it for the long haul.
One positive from Monday's appointment experience is that I tweeted out a picture of us, and some of you guys tweeted back some really positive replies! I read them again and again, I also read them to Dad - he was happy and felt encouraged so THANK YOU. Thank you guys so much.
I've always been a big cheerleader of you guys, my reading friends, but I've NEVER felt as much love and support and just good stuff as I have from you all as I have in the past week. Do you know what a kind word, an encouraging word, a "Hello!" can do for someone that needs it? IT DOES EVERYTHING. Everything! I cannot tell you how much it means that you even read my thoughts, much less remember that I have sometime going on. I am humbled. It was so scary to put myself out there like that when the world doesn't really know these new vulnerable parts of me, how I'm freaking out all of the time. After I put down my words >> encouragement and book recommendations! I have no words, no words, because even though this situation is hard for me, knowing that you guys have my back makes it a little more bearable. I feel like I'm not alone with my thoughts, they aren't trapped in my head. I think there have been a couple of times when I've blown up a few people's messages. I apologize but I love the grace you've all shown in just letting me get these things out, both on this blog and also behind the blog.
You guys, my friends from the Internet - you're so important! It's so weird sometimes, I think, for people that do not participate in a large community to understand what it is like to build relationships with people that they do not get to see regularly. On the contrary, I think it is not that hard; many of us communicate so often. That is why I knew I could come here and say HEY, I FEEL THIS THING, THIS IS WHAT I'M GOING THROUGH RIGHT NOW, PLEASE HELP ME. And you all have, and I adore you for it. I still need you guys.
But this is a book blog, I know that, and I appreciate that you haven't minded the small departure here and there, and that you have interacted with me anyway. One of the best things about me opening up is that I got some book recommendations, and these are helping me to get back into the swing of reading, which helps me not over-think, not obsess over unpleasant things. Books are my escape. I have loved your book recommendations, because they are helping. This is one thing I really needed, one thing I was really hoping for when I wrote the first time - without something to read, I feel so lost. I'm still floundering around a little bit when I open some books that I have beside of me. (This very second, I have 19 books beside of me in a couple of piles, I've started them, then stopped a few paragraphs in. NINETEEN.) I've been collecting some of the recommendations you guys have given me either in the comments on that blog post or in various messages or tweets, and they look like such happy and comforting books, such great recommendations. You guys took the time to think hard about what you suggested, you really understood what I was trying to say, what I was asking for, and I love that so much. I hope you will continue to recommend to me.
You guys are the best, the very best. I appreciate you all so very much, those that have supported me by reading and also those that supported me by speaking. Both feel like hugs because you're listening, you're listening. Sometimes when we feel things, we just need encouragement and conversation.
Do you have any more happy-book recommendations?
OR summer books, I've read one or two of those and they're actually helping too.